Am I grown up yet?

I have a few things on my mind that I'm thinking about writing about. I had an amazing run through the desert, and Abigail's personality is just so crazy she scares me sometimes, and I had quite the temper-tantrum/meltdown at my old high school last night. I think I'll go with #3 because my face is hot with ebarrassment and anger just mentioning it. I think I need to get it off my chest. But, I was quite the baby, so be warned. Sorry in advance for the vent.

Let me preface this by telling you about my weird emotional attachment for my school. I love my high school. I love the memories I have from my time there, especially those involving the athletic program. When I walked into the empty gym the other day when I was taking Emma to practice, I cried. (This was different than what comes later in the story) I have a very strong bond with my coaches. They taught me discipline, class, devotion, morals, work ethic, the list goes on. I love them for it. They were like Dads to me. With that bond, came joy when I did something to make them proud, and shame when I did something wrong (which usually led to tears). I actually cried quite a bit in high school. I was so emotional, and things were just so darn important to me. Looking back, I remind myself of my little Emma. So many times a week, I want to tell her, "it's not the end of the world, It's okay if Abigail broke a pencil that you have 10 more of in your drawer (for example). So my school, basketball, coaches, the environment - all really important to me.

Emma has been doing a drill team clinic at Snow Canyon. (It's like a three day thing where they teach the girls a dance, and then they preform it at half-time during a game.) The night of the game, the school is alive. And flowing strongly are memories and emotions. On my way to take Emma to her pre-game practice, one of the secretaries (who I clearly remember) says that I can't take Emma any further until I pay for the game. What? Since when do you have to pay for a high school basketball game? Okay, I know I have been out of it for a while and it doesn't sound that unreasonable. Except, I have no cash, Emma needs to get to her practice, and I have Gabriel, and Abigail with me, all by myself. I tell her this and get no sympathy in return. (I never really liked this particular secretary) She grabs two other dancers, and tells them to take Emma for me. Emma won't go with them because she doesn't know them. Finally, I sigh rudely and ask her if I can just take her to her practice and figure the money thing out later. She says fine. This story is turning into novel, so I will skip to the good part. I figure they have to let me into the game. No one told the parents they would have to pay to get into the game, I have three kids with me. What do they expect me to do? I was prepared to state my case, and I did with a little bit of an attitude. I could have been more nice. The "bouncer" tells me to talk to Mrs. Ward (no relation, but I do know her) who is taking the money. I got nothing. I was pretty bratty too, I raised my voice. (I'm sorry Stephanie that I yelled at your mom.) I said, "no one told me I needed to pay to get into a game to watch my daughter preform, don't you think they should have put that in the note they sent home?" She said, "yeah, they screwed up, but I still can't let you in. You can wait in the hall until halftime and then go in and watch her." I said, FINE! and went to stand against the wall with my eyes filling up with tears. Can you tell I don't get into conflicts very often? This probably seems so tiny to some people. Emma wanted to go in and sit with the other dancers, so after glowering for a while, I asked if I could just take her in. The "bouncer" said sure, and I gave him a mean look and I brushed by him. (I didn't mean to brush him, he was just really big, and blocking the door) He got mad and started yelling, "why are you getting mad at us, it's not our fault you didn't bring money." I yelled, back (we were really yelling now, and there were lots of people, it was quite the scene) "Yes, it is your fault! Why didn't someone tell the parents they needed to pay, etc. etc." Finally Mrs. Ward, said, "Just let her through." And then it was over. and then came the tears. Imagine, I was walking into my gym on game night, exactly how I remembered it. It was loud and crazy. Excitement was everywhere, coaches were prepping, the band was playing, and I was bawling. Again. Have I not grown up at all? Am I still the emotional teenager who carried everything on her sleeve? I really hope not. I'm blaming this on stress and emotions in overdrive. After running into an old coach/friend, I was able to laugh it off, and enjoy the game. I still feel guilty though. I wonder if I should send an apology or go to the school and pay them 6 bucks for the game. All I know is that I still have a lot of growing up to do.